These articles could be subtitled “I knew I was right all along” and “since when did the Conservatives start producing recognizably useful and voter friendly policies?”
Who would have guessed that in 2008, a pledge to give British people flushing toilets would be a shock vote winner?
The Conservatives this week promised to scrap the Government’s plans for 15 “eco towns” which will potentially house 100,000 people. These have been heralded as a new era in design, but you need to take a closer look at both the theory and practice to see the full, grim picture.
But enough of me.
On with the fantastic frigid fun places that are the Labour government’s new “eco-towns”. Andrew Orlowski of “The Register” shows what fun places they will be:
“What are the responsibilities we each must share in return for the freedoms we enjoy?” asked Town and Country Planning Association chief David Lock last year when introducing a report. Lock and his quango are advising the Government on the initiative. What does he mean? He means freedoms you previously enjoyed have been clawed back.
Almost every aspect of life in the eco towns is minutely regulated. The streets are too small to drive around, and if you must drive the mandatory speed limit is 15mph. Planners are particularly excited about installing eco toilets that don’t flush. Because flushing is “the worst thing ever devised by modern man,” (according to one advocate), compost toilets may be mandatory. You won’t have a choice.
We took a look at one candidate loo, and the description gives us a whiff of this fragrant, low carbon future:
“The dry fecal matter is captured by a built-in teflon-coated bowl with a turning mechanism and is ‘flushed’ into wheeled bins in the buildings’ basements. ‘Flushing’ uses sawdust, dispensed from the back of the toilet, instead of water.”
Lovely.
I can hardly wait. We are obviously behind such Green propagandists luminaries like George Monbiot who put their names down first when eco-towns were first planned.
The Times describes more life in the eco-towns:
Motorists living in Gordon Brown’s futuristic green communities face fines for driving their cars out of town, under radical proposals being drawn up by ministers, The Times has learnt.
Residents of the largely pedestrianised eco-towns may also be expected to park their cars at the outskirts and walk or cycle to their homes, up to ten minutes away.
Oh the joy.
The proposals could include a fee for a permanent car space at the edge of town, charges for driving out at peak congestion times, or penalties for taking a car out of town above a set number of agreed journeys.
Yep. Free, democratic society in action. Better stay in the town then - or if you’re poor, you have no choice.
Town plans will differ, but most shops, schools and GP surgeries will be within walking or cycling distance. People usually reliant on cars will have a far more difficult journey — walking to the edge of towns to get their car, driving it back to pick up shopping, with few parking spaces available, unloading at home and then taking the car back to the edge.
I know. You’re thinking “where can I sign up for this green utopia?”
Other “eco-measures” include plans to install underground vacuum recycling, where residents have chutes for different types of waste, which is then automatically taken to a recyling centre on site. Solar panels and wind turbines will be used for power, as well as biomass boilers, fuelled by wood chips from the surrounding forests. Electric vehicles charged from shops and schools would also be encouraged.
Underground vacuum recycling? And you thought your town sucked…
Here is the brave new low-carbon world in bullet points:
Glimpse of future
— Penalties for cars driving out of eco-towns in peak times and exceeding journey limits
— Electronic noticeboards in homes to give bus times and locations
— Wood from local forests will be used to fuel biomass boilers
— Recycled waste will be processed underground after being sorted in household chutes
— Residents with electric cars will be able to charge their vehicles in shops and schools
It’s a Soviet planner’s wet dream only with even fewer employment opportunities. What brutalism did to city architecture, so eco-towns will do to town planning for decades to come.
It’s amazing to me that any progressive party, let alone one in power, would actually envisage such an appalling future, but then I live in interesting times, don’t I?
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